im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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