I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
being pregnant is like rehab
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
