It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
