We're facebook friends in real life
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
