hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
