True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i came on her dog
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
