Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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