so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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