I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
