Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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