I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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