And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
