I heard we made out
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I think I sprained my soul last night
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize