Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
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I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
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my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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