He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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