It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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