and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
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That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
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She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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