i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
