After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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