Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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