I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
