Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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