community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
My pussy is not your playground.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
