Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again