Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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