you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
where does the pee come out of this thing
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
