Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
