he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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