fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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