how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
