Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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