shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
