Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
