sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
