Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
