But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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