I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
