OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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