Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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