Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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