He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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