3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
