Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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