I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
