my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
