I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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