So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
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He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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