im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
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I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
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that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
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