she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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