there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Randomize
