You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
