i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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