Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
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