How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
