I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
