Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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