and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
