It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You have to summon your inner elephant
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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