just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
