So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
