i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
