i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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