coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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