I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
BRING THE BAGELS
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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