Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
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he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
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just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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